What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Do you know what she said mum?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Why doesn't speeding significantly decrease one’s commute time? I've done a lot of road trips and driving and have experimented by increasing speed by 10–20%, but somehow this never equates to arriving 20% sooner, even on clear roads.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

What exactly is the boundary men should follow while looking at girls so they don't call them perverts?

What! how could you do that?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Do women like watching men sucking men?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

True - how I loved my mum!

Why are Capri cigarettes so expensive?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”